Clutter Gone Too Far
Lots of dust, for one thing
Several pairs of shoes strewn heal to toe
Looking like a mangled train wreck
Chords, cables, wires to this and that
A system of highways for electricity
A load's worth of laundry,
Both in and around the basket
Injured clothes racks that would sing of their toils
And their recent nemesis, the broken drier
A lonely arm chair
Made insignificant by a large shoebox perched atop
The boots from which have already begun to wear
The hardwood floor with Auburn hue
Blemished by specks of pale dirt and inhabited by dust bunnies
I like the destructive loneliness of this poem. "Chords, cables... for electricity" is a metaphor with a nice ring to it. This really reminds me of my old job working retail after Black Friday--the sheer chaos of clothes, accessories, and shoes, and especially the dirtiness of the floor are what poor employees have to deal with when customers come and go and let their kids spill milk as they eviscerate a stack of sweaters. This poem gives me that feel, completely.
ReplyDeleteSome interesting metaphors and the theme of travel/transportation emerging (trains, highway, worn-out boots). Begins and ends with dust (ashes to ashes?). Also the unintended connection between the misspelling of "heal" and the "injured clothes racks." A start, but push it further. You need to write a lot to get at the good stuff. No need for the preliminary explanation—just launch into it.
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